I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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