Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She is in my trunk
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
