its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
