im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
