shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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