lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
