Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
