Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
