omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
