Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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