just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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