That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
just tell him i said nine months
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
