i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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