there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He better not be in your backpack
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
