using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
