im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
