I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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