What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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