i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
