But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
