a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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