he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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