please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
