WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
