I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
