Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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