Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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