every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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