I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
