what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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