I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Man, jail baloney is awful.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
