So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
