Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Someone came in the potted fern
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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