maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
