I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
