I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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