Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
