My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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