I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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