it wasn't lemon gatorade
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
