It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
