Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
