There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
