as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Holy sore nipples Batman
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
