I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You left your phone here
Wait...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
