I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
