I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
