What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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