Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
