Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
