At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
