really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
